One of the greatest challenges of adulthood is deciding when to move forward and when to move on. I constantly find new challenges before me, and while they complicate, they also provide opportunity for growth. But I can’t help but wonder if at some point it isn’t better to instead turn away, to head in a different direction, rather than continue to push against the many obstacles that continue to rise before me.
This problem never manifested itself before I graduated from college. Sure, I faced challenges, but I always told myself to wait. In time, after high school or after college, things would change. The environment would change; the variables would change. And it proved true, for that time in my life. But now the determined path no longer guarantees change. I work a consistent job, in a city that I’ve lived in for almost six years. Change is a transition that I have to choose, that I have to make myself. And I’m finding that choice difficult to make.
There is so much risk in choosing change. You can calculate the outcome, but you can never really know until you make a move. And change is hard – it’s always hard. I know my current world, my struggles. I know nothing of what lies ahead. I don’t know where I will be, what I will be, who I will be. That last one is the hardest.
I once met a French woman named Catherine (she owns Parigot on Grand and Lafayette), and she recently said something profound. Nothing changes, she said. Your problems – with work, relationships, life – will always be the same. There will be different jobs and different relationships, but the problems themselves will always be the same. The only thing that changes is you.
The only thing that changes is me, she said. And there is certainly no choice in that.
Lana Del Rey, Summertime Sadness
And people wonder why I sometimes have a problem with San Diego…
Kassim Alhimidi wept over the body of his wife, Shaima Alawadi, at a prayer ceremony on Tuesday. She died after being found severely beaten in her home near San Diego.